guys lil b followed me on twitter

i wasn’t following him

…where did he find me what even

I am grade 12 student who has just recently graduated. You might call me accomplished, and in a way, I am, but not in the way you’d think. 12 years of pouring over text books and being lined up to be judged in front of my peers has not made me any more intelligent. I can tell you the first 45 digits of Pi and I can explain to you the difference between an acid and a base, I can recite the Pythagorean Theorem in my sleep, I will recite lines out of a textbook like they are a religion. But I cannot tell you the value of security, or of kindness. The distinct contrast between personal health and personal gain. I can tell you in grade 10 four of my classmates attempted to take their own lives before finals. I can tell you our counsellors office is always booked. I can tell you how when I didn’t understand something in AP Chemistry my teacher asked me to leave if I could not participate in his class. I merely asked him to explain a question. Instead of doing his job and teaching, he told me to leave. Told me I was not good enough to be there. Mistakes are viewed as failure in these hallways. A wrong answer is a sin you must atone to, not a human error, but a flaw so grand it defines your entire life course. There is no “average” here. We all must exceed expectations. Do your parents know that a grade that is considered average is a “C”? When I got a C in fourth grade my parents grounded me for a month. They said I was lazy and stupid and incompetent and that I’d better smarten up and stop fooling around. I never fooled around. I am driven by a deep need to impress others. I never fool around. I worked and worked and worked, with a deep hollow of anxiety in my chest. I have never been good at History, but I worked and worked and I attained at best a low B. It was not good enough. It is not said but we are expected to put our education before our personal health. It is not asked of us, but it is what we must do to achieve what we are asked to achieve. Our teachers will tell you, “Oh, I only give them one hour of homework each night.” Which is essentially true, each of my five teachers only gives me one to two hours of homework each night. Hmm, that adds up to 5-10 hours of homework, and overdue classwork, and projects. Say goodbye to sleep, say goodbye to feeling calm. I’ve developed a deep rooted anxiety disorder due to school and perfectionistic tendencies. Even when you get 100 percent on an assignment they still criticise you, it is never good enough. One slip, and you are in deep deep trouble. I can tell you that 90 percent of us try our hardest, and our teachers and parents stand in the sidelines, screaming, “You can do better than that!”
― Why I say our education system is flawed (via perfect-delusions)



before you date a girl with a mental illness, remember: saying, “you’re beautiful” won’t balance the chemicals in her brain.

and don’t fucking say, “i’ll be here for you, no matter what,” if you don’t mean it.

don’t think you’re fixing her by saying, “i love you.” because you’re not

This needs more notes.

Your lips are all I wanted at midnight.
Connotativewords | jl (via connotativewords)

i miss sex

i’m always going to be in love with you

i miss you so much

i miss you more than i should

i miss you more than you know

i miss you more than i have ever missed

i miss you so much

fuck this

i miss sex

my fucking online health class im doing is stupid

the unit im doing right now is about growth development and sexuality and its talking about the pressure to have sex and its making sex sound like its a satanic ritual

like no

sex is a normal and natural and healthy thing

shit, sex is fun

(((but you gotta be safe)))

but omg no this is so freaking stupid

you didn’t even wish me a happy birthday

the part that hurts the most about this is that the time when you first told me that you loved me, that you started crying because you realized what your true feelings were for me and you told me how happy you were to have me and stared deep into my eyes and “I truly love you so much Olivia” slipped from your beautiful lips and i saw a tear starting to form in your in left gleaming, bright green eye and watched it as it slowly escaped and slide down your cheek and you quickly wiped it off, excusing yourself for crying but you just continued to look into my eyes and than pulled me closer and than we just laid there, in each others arms in complete silence and i whispered “Garrett, I love you so much” and you just turned your head and looked at me so intensely and than your beautiful smiling sunk up and you just kept smiling and you leaned in and kissed my forehead and whispered back “You’re my everything, Olivia. I love you” and another tear fell from your eyes…it keeps playing in my head over and over and realizing that its all gone forever. that’s what hurts. knowing i  lost you.

its not fair how horribly you treat me.

and yet

i find myself falling






in love with you.

and yet

you will never feel the same.

and yet

i still continue to think you feel the same.

but you never will

im in the worst mood and all i can do is think about cutting

f u c k

i dont fucking want to talk to anyone right now

i’m in the worst god damn fucking mood

i just want to cry and run the fuck away

i hate this

i hate everything

i hate everyone

fuck this

fuck you

fuck everything